As Life Progressed without God

Ok....so I left police work and now I'm helping my stepfather out with his company selling steel buildings.  I did ok with that for a while but I never really fancied myself as much of a salesman really.  In the summer of 2007 I decided I would give real estate a shot.  I took a course, passed it, and was licensed in September 2007.  Keep in mind I still haven't turned to God and decided once I again what I wanted to do without even thinking about what Christ wanted in my life.  The first couple of months in real estate was great and I was enjoying it really.  As most of you know the market crashed and of course it was right after my first couple of months in real estate.  The only thing I knew how to do was be a cop so in January I started working in Bishopville, SC.  It was good for a while and I was promoted to investigations but eventually I was not happy there anymore possibly because when I left law enforcement the last time I really had no intention of going back.  My stress and anger was really getting to me.  My issues were still not resolved and God was still not in my life.  I thought over time the stress and depression would work itself out but that wasn't happening.  I told my wife that something had to give because I couldn't take it anymore.

In the fall of 2009, I began going to a christian therapist to discuss my past and what was causing me to retain all of this anger.  After a few sessions, the therapist made his diagnosis and recommended my treatment so off I went feeling like I had resolved my issues.  Even though I went to a christian therapist though, still no God in my life.  You would think after talking to him that something would've clicked.  Why God put up with me I have no idea.....well yes I do its because He loves me regardless of how unworthy I am of his love, grace, and mercy.

In March of 2010, I decided to leave police work again because I simply wasn't happy with that line of work anymore.  I decided that I was going to get my private investigator's license and start my own company.  So in the summer of 2010, Adams Investigative Services, LLC was opened.

Well we are getting close to current day.  The next post I'll get into the next phase of the events that will eventually draw me closer to God.

Romans 1:21 (NIV)

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

The First Few Years of Marriage

Just prior to getting married I requested to be moved from Investigative Services Division back to patrol because of the stress factor.  At the time, my blood pressure had elevated and I had even had a trip to the hospital because of it.  After we were married things were going pretty well until the holidays approached.  When the holidays and the month of February approached I began to think a lot more about my dad and my friend.  I began to close myself off from my wife and it was taking its toll on her.  I didn't see what it was doing to her because I was so consumed by my own depression and grief.  By the time February rolled around I had shut her out completely.  Of course, she would get upset but instead of talking and trying to solve the issue I became more upset.  It was so early in our marriage dealing with this kind of problem seemed too big for me to handle.  Instead of talking with my wife and getting support I turned my back on her thinking in some strange way that I was protecting her from the grief when really I was causing so much more.

After a couple of months of this things had gotten pretty tense and my wife cornered me with the problem and things had come to a head.  It was up to me to make things right.  I loved (still do) my wife so I wanted to do whatever it took to preserve our marriage and she did too.  To make things right with her I went to church.  I thought my intentions were good and I was in church so that's all that counts right? Nope.  I went to church not for me or for God but to make my wife happy.  My heart was not open to it although I didn't realize it at the time.  God knew my heart better than I did.  You just can't fool Jesus.  But after I made amends with my wife I soon quit going to church at all.   The sad part was this interfered with her spiritual growth as well.  She usually wouldn't go to church without me.

We found out in the spring she was pregnant, and I was excited because I felt this would be a good thing for us.  We found out that it was gonna be a boy and I was thrilled because I wanted a boy and to be able to pass down my name that was my daddy's name.

Later that year I was promoted to Sergeant over a shift and thought that things would soon get better.  Overall the wife and I were better though we had moments because of the "open wounds".  Without God in our life there really was no way to heal our marriage fully although I didn't acknowledge that.  In some ways, I think I still had my resentments toward God for allowing this to happen, or so I told myself that He allowed it to happen anyway.  I really didn't see why I needed to go to church because of the things that happened and I could take care of myself, or so I thought.

My son was born in February of 2005 and I was very happy for him to be here.  I was really hoping things were turning around for me but I still felt something wasn't right.  My temper was still high and my stress level was through the roof.  During the summer of 2005 my oldest son moved in with me and started school in the fall.  My wife and I sent him to a christian school and he did well there.  Again, I was hoping that things were looking up for me.

By the time 2006 rolled around I was feeling so much anxiety and stress it was unbelievable.  I was absolutely not content with my job and emotionally I couldn't handle being on certain types of scenes and calls.  I was still feeling very angry about a lot of things from my past and just couldn't seem to suppress it.  My oldest son decided that in February 2006 he wanted to move back in with his mother to be home schooled. I pulled myself through most of the year until the fall.  In October of 2006 I went to a scene where a man was burned alive and I arrived while the scene was still fresh.  It was horrific and the smell was unmistakable.  Seeing him was engraved in my mind forever.

I went home and told my wife that I wanted out while I cried on her shoulder.  I felt weak and less than a man at that time but mentally I was beat.  She told me she would stand by whatever decision I made.  This was all happening while we were trying to sell our house and buy a new one.  Once we closed on the new house I put in my two weeks notice and left the Sumter PD November 23, 2006.

I felt as if I was being tortured on the inside in a sense and I wasn't able to get any kind of relief.  Quitting the police department I felt was going to give me a second chance at having a normal existence.  Of course, I still had not turned to God yet but He was still looking out for me.  I didn't know it yet but He was.  My next post will be about the next stage of my life working outside of law enforcement and the trial that came with that as well.  God has loved me through all of this and though he has let me go through the things I've gone through He has been my protector the whole time even when I didn't acknowledge Him or deserve it.

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.

After the Suicides

After moving back to Summerville with my parents, I went to work with my stepfather.  I went out "partying" a good bit while I was down there.  At the time, I didn't realize exactly how bad I was coping with things.  I was drinking more than usual and my temper was getting worse. Even I didn't recognize that at the time.  Law enforcement was still in my blood and I felt like I had been gone long enough so I decided to go try to get my job back.  The chief at the time told me that if I wanted my job back all I had to do was ask.  So, I asked, and was rehired.

July 14th, 1999 was my first day back on patrol and I felt like I was handling everything mentally.  Of course, I still wasn't attending church and hadn't even thought about it at all.  Over the next couple of years working on the "line" I became much more coarse and my range of emotions was not normal.  I didn't see any of that at the time though.  Things that would make someone cry or cause a great deal of sadness didn't have that same affect on me anymore.  All I knew was anger.  There were several things that happened while I was working between when I came back to work, and around 2001 that bothered me and stuck with me without me even realizing it.  There were incidents involving children being shot and sometimes killed, children abused in other ways, elderly adults being abused, and many other disturbing calls.  There were so many things that happened that fueled my anger without me even realizing it.  I was a very bitter person to deal with most of the time with the exception of a few people that I trusted.  

In 2001, a new chief took over the department and that summer I was promoted to detective.  Initially, I was assigned to property crimes.  That year I was pretty depressed around Christmas and in fact took the week off.  That week I stayed inside with no contact from anyone.  I refused to answer the phone and did not leave the house.  I began to notice even more anger and began to dwell more on the suicides in my mind but I didn't really talk to anyone about it.  In April, 2002, I began dating the woman that I would marry.  As we grew closer, I would share more with her but not all of it or at least not much about how I was feeling at the time. 

Also in 2002 (not sure what month), I was notified that I was to attend a post-traumatic stress course given in Columbia because of my previous events with the suicides.  By this time, I had stopped having dreams and such about the events.  I had tucked all of it away somewhere so I didn't have to think about it.  This was not to say that I had dealt with it but simply hid it.  I attended this class and the different exercises we had to perform really brought everything back to the surface.  One of the doctors in the class insisted that the program worked for me but I was telling him that I felt much more stress and anxiety at the end of the course.  He insisted I was better so back to the department I went carrying out my duties. 

I did tell my girlfriend (now wife) that I didn't feel like that class helped and it brought me more stress.  January and February were difficult months for me in 2003 because I thought about the suicides more since they occurred in February.  The holidays were difficult too.  

In February 2003 I proposed to my girlfriend and she agreed to marry me.   We were married in May 2003 and started our new life together.   I was very happy (and shocked she said "yes") about getting married and felt like this was my chance to start over but I still had yet to turn to God. 

The next post will go into my marriage and being in and out of church over a period of years.  God really started trying to move in me during this time.

Psalms 94:12-14 (NIV)

12 Blessed is the man you discipline, O LORD, the man you teach from your law; 13 you grant him relief from days of trouble, till a pit is dug for the wicked.  14 For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.

 

     

Trials Continued

After my dad committed suicide, I didn't want to stay in the apartment I was in because we both lived there together at one point in time.  Things reminded me of him, and all of the years I wasted distancing myself from him as a teen because I was upset with him.  Now, the time I had to reconcile had passed.  He was dead and I completely blamed myself (still do in a lot of ways).

I moved in with  two friends of mine.  One of those friends was married and owned the house we were all staying in.  It became crowded pretty quickly so the other roommate that was single rented a mobile home and I decided to split rent with him.  During this entire year, I was pretty emotionally drained and still very angry.  I still was able to see my kids at my roommates home but still didn't keep them overnight.  In all honesty I was beginning to get depressed even though I didn't see it.  During this time I still wasn't in church and honestly didn't give a thought about God.  Even though I didn't drink much when I did drink it was in excess.  That is really the only time I prayed and that was because I was praying for relief from being so drunk I was sick.

As time went by, I had another friend that was also one of my co-workers at the police department who was going through a divorce.  He wasn't handling things very well at all.  He told me that he was afraid of hurting himself and asked me to be his roommate.  Immediately I was thinking this is my chance for redemption.  I let my dad down but now I had a chance to do some good.

He had his ups and downs but mostly downs.  I took his service pistol and hid it so I knew for sure he wouldn't hurt himself.  I talked to him about things several times and of course my answer was to let's go out and have fun to take his mind off of things.  He went out a few times but never really had much fun.  If I would have been walking with Christ I probably would have done him some good by taking him to church.  But I wasn't walking with Christ so I didn't do that.  Honestly, I think I hadn't dealt with my tragedy so I wasn't really ready to be taking on someone else's tragedy.

He had kids with his wife and he had a child that just turned one.  It was the child's birthday and his wife was going to bring the child to the house to see him.  He was so excited.  He bought presents and a cake.  This was the happiest I had seen him yet.  She pulled up to the house and he went outside for a little while.  When he came back inside he was totally emotionally destroyed.  He really broke down uncontrollably.  He told me that she wasn't going to let him see the baby and of course the baby wasn't with her.  So he missed the first birthday.  He was really upset for some time and I became increasingly worried about him.  One day though he seemed really happy and on top of the world.  He was smiling and talking to everyone so I was thinking that he is finally coming around.  I was feeling very relieved.

On February 19th, 1999, I was sitting at the emergency room talking with someone and there was an EMS worker near me with his radio on blaring away.  While I was talking I heard my address come over the radio.  I jumped in my police car and ran code all the way home.  The dispatch code they gave out was "unresponsive" so I was terrified.  As I slid up in the driveway there was a deputy already there and he assumed I was just a responding officer.  I saw my friend laying near the garage with a mark around his neck and screamed out his name.  The deputy then realized I knew him and tried to pull me away.  He was lying there motionless and  I knew that he was dead.  My chief and major knew what happened and they tried to get to the house before I did but I was the second one on scene behind the deputy.  The deputy told me they had just cut him down from inside the garage and that he hung himself with a motorcycle tie down strap (this was before he found out I knew him).  As the major and chief pulled up I ripped my duty belt off and my uniform shirt and threw it all on the ground.  I told them I couldn't take this anymore.  This was a year almost to the day from when my dad killed himself.  I had failed again.  I took some time off but ultimately quit the police department because I was not mentally able to handle that stress anymore.  I moved back down to Summerville near my parents for a few months.

During all of these events, and all of my emotional distress, I still didn't give a thought to God.  You would think that of course given my background that He would be the first one I would turn to.  Nope not me I can do this on my own right? Nope, I was wrong again.  My answer was more drinking and more going out.  But I'll get into more of that on my next entry.  

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

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Trials

The marriage was over and I was living on my own.  As I said before, I saw my kids when my ex-wife was working but not overnight.  At this time I was on patrol and I enjoyed my job very much.  I was not going to church at all and actually began "sowing wild oats".  I've never been a drinker of liquor or beer even though my dad was an alcoholic I just never acquired the taste.  Some of my friends that were single in the department liked to go out and party so I joined in.  For a little while, during the weekends I was off, I regularly went out with my friends and drank.  Since I was single I "dated" several women and was living a very sinful lifestyle.  I was not ashamed of this at all (though I am very ashamed now).

Its the summer of 1997 and one of the most traumatic events of my life is about to happen.  My dad had split with his current wife and was living in a single wide mobile home alone.  He just had a heart attack (second big one) and surgery.  Our relationship had been strained since he split up with my stepmother when I was 13 so we hadn't talked much.  I didn't want him to be alone since he had two major heart attacks so I called him and told him he was going to move in with me in SC.  I picked him up with a few belongings and took him back to my apartment.  I told him I didn't want him working but just to relax and he could take care of things at the apartment.  He agreed to this and also agreed to keep the kids at times.  Since he had been living with me he told me he wouldn't drink and especially while he had the kids.  He did drink much less frequently but he did start drinking again.  He did keep his promise to not drink when he kept the kids.  The kids loved him and he loved them very much.  After some time went by my dad became anxious to work because although he was an alcoholic he always worked.  He found a part time job at a gas station within walking distance.  He was excited about it and I was happy he found something.  He began to date a woman he worked with who happened to be the manager of the gas station.  He began to see her regularly and he started drinking more.  I talked to him about this and he wasn't pleased he couldn't drink alcohol like he wanted to.  One day he told me that he was moving in with his girlfriend.  He moved out and again our relationship was strained.  His girlfriend put a lot of negative thoughts in his head like telling him I was keeping his grandchildren from him.  In a sense I was because he was drinking a great deal and I didn't want my kids around that so therefore he was not permitted to see them.

One night I was at home and received a call stating that my dad was in a stand-off with the sheriff's office hiding in the woods.  My dad had surgery and was on pain medicine.  On top of that he had been drinking and was angry with his girlfriend and went outside to shoot his rifle in the wood line.  Ever since I was a child he had done this and never attempted harm to anyone but shot a tree or a box.  Since he was living out in the county he was doing the same thing but a neighbor heard the shots and called the sheriff's office not knowing what was going on.  The sheriff's office responded and my dad saw them coming down the road.  He thought it was a friend of his girlfriend and he shot at the ground in the field near the car and it ricocheted striking the windshield of the car and the light bar.  The deputy backed out and called for help.  After the sheriff arrived (whom I knew) he discovered it was my dad and called for me to come out there to talk him into coming out of the woods so he wouldn't get hurt.  After I arrived  I spoke with my dad and he finally came out of the woods.  When the deputies approached he began to struggle so I tried to help to keep him from getting hurt and as luck would have it I was the one who had to put handcuffs on him.  That was one of the hardest moments of my life.  My dad knew that I was the one and it really hurt.

He was at the jail and while he was there he was on suicide watch.  He began to have heart issues so they took him to the ER.  I went to see him while he was there and I had a bad feeling about the way he was talking.  He insisted he couldn't go to prison and I told him that I would see what I could do with the sheriff's office and the solicitor's office.  In the meantime, I told his girlfriend not to bond him out because I felt like he would attempt to hurt himself if he was out.  She bonded him out anyway.

I spoke to the sheriff's office and solicitor's office and pretty much had it worked out that he could plead guilty and get five years probation with alcohol treatment and no time.  When I tried to notify him of this I discovered that he attempted to commit suicide by cutting his wrist while intoxicated.  He was taken to the hospital and later transported to a mental health facility in Columbia, SC.  I spoke to him on the phone a few times over a period of a couple of weeks and told him what was going to happen when he went to court and he seemed at ease with it.  On February 12, 1998 I spoke to him that afternoon and he seemed in good spirits.  At approximately 7:00PM one of his former co-workers came to my apartment and said his girlfriend told her that my dad again attempted to commit suicide while at the mental health facility.  I rushed to the Palmetto Richland Hospital in Columbia with my mother and we were taken into a room.  The doctor came in and he asked if I knew why we were at the hospital.  I told him that my dad try to commit suicide and he responded that my dad in fact successfully killed himself.  I was stunned, angry, sad, confused, and so many other emotions.  I immediately broke down and cried.  Later I went outside and his girlfriend was out in front of the ER.  She asked me if I blamed her and at the time I said no.  Later I would find out that after I spoke with him just before he committed suicide, she told him she didn't want him anymore and that he should know he was going to prison when he got out of the hospital.  After I discovered what she said I really developed a lot of hate for her.

Along with the many negative things I had to see at work to include murders (adult and child), child abuse, and so many other things, I now had my father's suicide to deal with.  I took some time off work but not much and I was not fun for anyone to deal with.  My first response should have been to turn to God but that is not at all what I did.  I latched on to the anger and sadness.  I never really spoke to anyone about this and bottled it up inside.  I figured I could handle it on my own.  As my preacher told the congregation recently, "You can't fix ANYTHING on your own".  Humans are incapable without God whether we admit it or not. If something is fixed it is by his grace and not by our own abilities.

We are close to catching up to current times so stay tuned.  Sorry it is so long winded but I'm trying to give enough detail to paint a bigger picture.

Deuteronomy 30: 19,20 (NIV)

19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.

After High School

My last post took you through the high school days where I had the opportunity to learn more about Christ and scripture.  Unfortunately, during the high school days, although I went to church on occasion, it was very hit and miss.  This led to a major separation from Christ after I graduated because the school was no longer part of my spiritual development and I had no church in my life to support me.

During the summer, I met a girl and a few short months later we were married.  I was supposed to go off to college so we didn't tell anyone we were married.  After a few short weeks away at college, I dropped out and came back to stay with my wife at her parents house.  We told our parents what we had done, and of course, you could imagine the response.  My wife and her parents went to church usually and I went a few times but our marriage didn't have God in it by any stretch of the imagination.  In a very short time, I was totally isolated from God.  I found out that my wife was pregnant and was hopeful that this would solidify our relationship.  During this time, I worked for my stepfather doing sales and not making very much money so things were a bit financially strained.  On top of all of this, we were living with my wife's parents so privacy was non-existent.  I got a job working at the local sheriff's office as a dispatcher and had at least a steady paycheck.  However, I was not the easiest person to get along with and not very responsible.  My wife asked me to move out only a few months into our marriage.  She told me she didn't want a permanent separation but things had to change.  We had a major communication issue along with the fact that we were both young.  We separated for a very short time but it was not much of a separation.

We finally moved to an apartment and my daughter became part of our life.  I was hoping with the privacy and now a child in common that this would "fix" us.  Still no Christ.  Eventually, I was hired as a police officer and we all moved to Sumter.  I was making more money and we lived in a mobile home my parents bought us.  The mobile home was in a trailer park that we leased a lot on.  So now I had more money, privacy, and a child in common.  Still no Christ.  The relationship was very strained this entire time.  We agreed that we should split up but in the mean time discovered she was pregnant again.  We decided that we could make it work and stayed together in hopes of having a family.  My son was born and I was excited but scared.  I wanted to play the adult but I wasn't ready to be the adult.  We now had two children and our own place but still no Christ.  Six months after my son was born my wife left after we had an argument.  She went to stay with her mother.

I saw my kids while she went to work and she would pick them up on the way back through.  My maturity level at that time was not the greatest so I didn't want to keep little ones overnight.  Even losing my marriage and not seeing my kids I still resisted God.

Little did I know, this was just the beginning of a series of things that God was going to use to bring me to my knees.  Just to be clear, God doesn't "Do" these things to you but you "Do" them to yourself.  He will allow things to happen to bring you closer to him.   I will get into more about my years as a police officer and some of the tragedy I encountered during that time in my next post.

The Journey Continues

My Letterman

As I stated in the previous post, my parents wanted me in a Christian school.  They chose Ferndale Baptist High School.  I had hair below my shoulders, loved "Guns -n- Roses", and was very resistant to this change.  My mother took me to meet my future high school principal, Mr. Bill Schenkel.  I was not excited about this at all.  Mr. Schenkel was friendly but gave the appearance that he could be a disciplinarian if necessary.  The 1989 school year began and I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

My thoughts about Ferndale Christian School were not good in the beginning, mostly because I didn't want to be there.  I wanted out and was hoping for a way out.  I got into a small altercation with another student a couple of weeks into the year in my science class.  Mr. Winnie only saw me do the hitting but he sent us both to the office to see Mr. Schenkel.  "This is my way out", I thought, but nope wrong answer.  Mr. Schenkel even asked me if I wanted to be there and I of course told him I didn't.  Instead of giving me the boot he paddled me and told me I was there to stay short of committing murder.  I had no idea what kind of favor he was doing me but I didn't like it at the time.  I figured if I can't beat them then I may as well join them.  Over the next four years I would make great friends, play sports, have a girlfriend or two, and most importantly be reintroduced to Christ.  I had so many great teachers there that are still my friends today.  They all had a hand in making sure I knew who I was and who God is to me.  My high school days are some of my fondest days.  I am glad my parents saw to it that I was able to attend.  Thankfully, my stepfather always thought of me as his own and treated me as good as any father would their own child.

Well this gets you through the high school years without a really long story.  After school is when some of my trials really begin so it should get a bit more interesting then.

Psalm 27:1 (NIV)
The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?

More About My Journey Forward

My last posting was an introduction to my childhood showing my first experiences with Christ and in the church.  This is a continuation of my childhood.  As previously stated, I visited my aunt and uncle frequently in Ohio.  They were a major influence in my spirituality.

When I was eleven, my mother found a job in South Carolina but at the time I didn't want to move.  My dad lived in Tarboro, NC at the time and I did visit him every other weekend.  The weekends were fun for me and I enjoyed being around my dad and step-mother quite a bit.  Anyway, at age eleven I decided to move in with my dad so I didn't have to go all the way to South Carolina.  We lived in a single wide gray and white trailer at Mid-Lakes mobile home park.  My dad and stepmother did not attend church at that time.

My dad was an alcoholic and had been for many years.  My stepmother didn't drink at all that I remember.  He was not a mean alcoholic and in fact treated me very well.  On the weekends he would frequently barbecue chicken outside on the grill while having some Seagram's' Seven© and Sun Drop©.  These memories weren't bad but I do wonder what life would have been like without the alcohol.  There may have been some opportunities there for me if he hadn't been drinking on a daily basis but all in all life wasn't too bad.  He made sure I did my school work and was obedient.  He made sure that I knew he loved me one way or the other.  It was a simple life but that really makes you appreciate things a lot more.  Trips to go out to eat were sparse so when we did go it was such a treat.  Although, eating at home was pretty good because my dad and stepmother could really cook.

When I turned thirteen about midway through my seventh grade year I found out that my dad was unfaithful to my stepmother and he wanted me to move with him to go live with the other family.  As a child, change is difficult, even on a small scale, but this was dramatic for me.  I insisted on staying with my stepmother and he didn't force me to go.  My mother agreed to allow me to stay with my stepmother until the end of the school year until she could pick me up.  My stepmother took care of me and we actually moved near her mother on a piece of land her mother gave her.

The end of the school year came and my grades suffered a bit but I made it through.  My mother picked me up and took me to North Charleston, SC where I stayed at an apartment with her.  My future stepfather visited and did a lot of things with me.  During this time I had little communication with my dad but that was my choice really.  I made it through my eight grade year but my mother and future stepfather felt like I should go to a Christian school in North Charleston instead of going to public school.

My next posting will include my journey in the Christian school and life's events after that so stay tuned.  I know its starting kind of slow but there was just some background that had to be covered to give you an idea of my childhood and the way things began.

First Post About My Journey toward God

Since this is my first post, I feel like I should introduce myself.  My name is David, and I have three children, and my wife's name is Tammy. My life has had its ups, and downs like most, and I am in no way trying to say I have had it any tougher than the next guy.  I would like to blog about some of my trials and tribulations to show you what God has done in my life, and what he has been trying to do for some time.

My parents divorced when I was two years old.  We lived in NC at that time, and I remember my mother and I living with my Aunt Ester and Uncle Johnny.  I loved them both and they treated me well. As far as I can recall, we didn't attend church at that time.  Some time after all of that, we moved in with my grandmother and grandfather.  My grandparents didn't attend church or at least not very often from what I recall but my grandmother believes in Jesus and I don't recall hearing much from grandpa one way or the other.  I'm sure he was a believer, though, he didn't attend church regularly.  During the time I lived with my grandparents I used to go visit my Aunt Frances and Uncle Carl up in Ohio during the summer.

My aunt and uncle were and are devout Christians and in fact my uncle is an associate pastor of a church in Virginia at this time. That was my earliest childhood memory of learning about Christ, and what he has done for us. They are two of the greatest and most giving people I know.  They took me to church with them every time the doors were open while I was there.  One thing I really miss about that, is my child like faith and dedication.  That is something we should all aspire to attain or regain if you've ever had it.  It is one of the most comforting feelings you'll ever have.  My aunt reminds me constantly of how I used to worship in church with her.  I would raise my hands in praise and hold that bible up that was three times my size.  Think of how happy Christ would be if all of us had that kind of child like faith.    Some people would say children don't have a clue but let me tell you that is far from true.  Most children at that age haven't been corrupted with worldly obsessions and that is when you are the most honest.  I used to have a little pack I carried around with tracts in them to talk to people about God.  This is something I did with no fear at all.  I was innocent at heart and loved God.  At that age it wasn't about worrying whether or not someone was going to ridicule you because I was a believer without question.  It was about delivering the message of God that was in the heart of a faithful innocent child.

Well this is enough to tell you how I was introduced to Christ and how it began for me.  My later blogs will reveal my ups and my downs until I bring you up to date and catch up to where I am now.  Then my blogs will be a current journal of events and messages to bring as many people as close to God as I can get them.

Proverbs 3:5,6 (NIV)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths"

God Bless you all